First Light
by fashionista178
Summary: Breaking Dawn from Edward's POV.
1. 2 LONG NIGHT

_Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all the quotes. I only added to her lovely ideas. _

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2. LONG NIGHT

"I miss you already." She murmured against my lips.

"I don't need to leave. I can stay…" I pressed my lips to hers.

"Mmm." I moved my lips with hers for a few moments. Despite how easy she thought this was, it was not. The flames that tore threw my throat whenever I was near her were torture. But the feeling of her lips, her skin, against mine was more than enough compensation.

I watched her face in the moonlight, so light and beautiful. She opened her brown eyes and I knew how lucky I was. She pulled her face to mine.

"Definitely staying."

"No, no. It's your bachelor party. You have to go." She tried to sound convincing, but then her hands locked tighter into my hair and she pressed her body closer to mine. I smiled and grazed her face with my fingers.

"Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't be more eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point." I shrugged slightly.

"True." She murmured against my throat. This woman would be the death of me. I took a deep breath, to calm myself, but her scent was alluring in so many ways. To make matters worse she ran her hands along my chest and stomach. I shuttered at her touch trying to resist the urge to kiss her. But she continued, her fingers leaving trails of fire along my stomach.

I kissed her lips gently and her delicate tongue glided along my bottom lip. The action warmed my entire face. I pulled away before it became too much. I could never risk my Bella's life.

"Wait." She whispered. One of her legs broke free of the blankets and hitched around my waist. "Practice makes perfect." She hugged closer to me.

Yes, practice makes perfect, but what she wanted was so dangerous.

"Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then, shouldn't we? Have you slept at all in the last month?" I remembered each night I spent with Bella in her little bed, our bodies entwined and so close.

"But this is the dress rehearsal and we've only practiced certain scenes. It's not time for playing safe."

Safe. Bella was never safe with me. She was safe from anyone or anything else, I would never let that happen to her. But I was not safe. She risked her life every moment we spent together.

"Bella…"

"Don't start this again. A deal's a deal." She sounded stern. The most ridiculous deal. I shook my head.

"I don't know. It is too hard to concentrate when you're with me like this. I—I can't think straight. I won't be able to control myself. You'll get hurt."

"I'll be fine." She responded too quickly.

"Bella…"

"Shh!" She pressed her lips to mine to keep me from speaking. I kissed her back, but gently. Always gently around Bella. I had to get her distracted.

"How are your feet?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Toasty warm." She smirked.

"Really? No second thoughts? It's not too late to change your mind."

"Are you trying to ditch me?" Silly Bella. I laughed.

"Just making sure. I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about."

"I'm sure about you. The rest I can live through." She nuzzled into my chest. The rest, as in the transformation, losing her family?

"Can you? I don't mean the wedding—which I am positive you will survive despite your qualms—but afterward…what about Renee, what about Charlie?" Had she thought about them? About not being able to see them again? Was she so eager to give it all up for me?

A sigh escaped her lips. "I'll miss them." She said it too blandly, she was hiding something.

"Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike." I prodded.

"I'll miss my friends, too." What friends they were to her. I recalled Jessica's constant hatred toward my Bella. "Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?" She was such a bad actress. I growled and she laughed. "Edward," I loved how she said my name. "we've been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough for me."

I understood so well. As much as I wanted Bella to live her life as a human, I…I couldn't think of being without her…ever. But was this really going to satisfy her?

"Frozen forever at eighteen."

"Every woman's dream come true." I shook my head.

"Never changing…never moving forward?" Her head tilted in curiosity.

"What does that mean?"

I considered my answer, I wanted her to understand, but I never wanted to upset her.

"Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married?" Her eyes showed understanding, she must have been replaying the scene in her head. "And he thought you were…pregnant?"

"And he thought about shooting you? Admit it—for one second, he honestly considered it." She laughed. "What, Edward?"

"I just wish…well, I wish that he'd been right." I admitted and dropped my eyes from hers.

"Gah." She sounded annoyed. She apparently didn't understand.

"More that there was some way he could have been. That we had that kind of potential." But there was no way. Frozen, never changing. "I hate taking that away from you, too."

She thought for a moment. I hoped, prayed, that she was changing her mind. That I had finally found one way to get her to. Maybe, there was the slightest glimmer of hope.

"I know what I'm doing." She stated. How utterly absurd. At eighteen years of age and she knows what she is doing.

"How could you know that, Bella? Look at my mother, look at my sister. It's not as easy a sacrifice as you imagine."

"Esme and Rosalie get by just fine." She retaliated. "If it's a problem later, we can do what Esme did—we'll adopt."

She was so intelligent on every other subject. I couldn't believe how asinine she could be. "It's not right! I don't want you to have to make sacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take things away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I were human—" She stopped my sentence with her soft hand on my lips.

When she spoke it was with passion, love, kindness. "You are my future." But then she was just as fierce as I was. "Now stop. No moping, or I'm calling your brothers to come and get you. Maybe you need a bachelor party."

"I'm sorry. I am moping aren't I? Must be the nerves." I joked.

"Are your feet cold?" She smiled.

"Not in that sense." I leaned closer to her face. "I've been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan. The wedding ceremony is the one that I can't wait—"

_Ready for your first bachelor party? _Emmett tried to hide their plans.

"Oh, for the love of all that's holy!" I let my head fall back.

"What's wrong?" Her eyes searched my face.

"You don't have to call my brothers. Apparently Emmett and Jasper are not going to let me bow out tonight." She grabbed me tighter, like she had strength enough to hold me against Emmett's pull. Then she thought better and released me. I regretted it.

"Have fun." Nails scraped against her window and she cringed at the noise.

"If you don't send Edward out, we're coming in after him!" Emmett tried to sound evil. _I'll do it. _Jasper chuckled.

I looked to Bella one last time. "Go." She laughed. It was music. "Before they break my house."

_I'm counting Edward. One…_

I rolled my eyes and slowly slid out of her bed.

_Two, three…_

I pulled my shirt on and kissed her forehead.

_Four, five, six…_

"Get to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow."

Her heart sped up. "Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down." She let out a low breath.

_Seven, eight…_

"I'll meet you at the altar."

"I'll be the one in white." She tried to sound nonchalant. I laughed.

_Nine…_

"Very convincing." I sank into a quick crouch and jumped out the window, positioning myself to land on Emmett.

"Dammit Edward." I grinned and got off him before he could retaliate.

"You'd better not make him late." My love whispered.

Jasper jumped up to the window and looked in. "Don't worry, Bella. We'll get him home in plenty of time." _Alice will not be happy if we don't. _Jasper sent calming waves to Bella to help her sleep.

"Jasper?" She asked as he was about to drop to the ground again. "What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?" She sounded slightly nervous at the last part. I shook my head. Did she not realize what hold her beauty had on me?

"Don't tell her anything." Emmett growled quietly. I tackled him again and jumped up laughing. _Just wait till later. _

"Relax, we Cullens have our own version. Just a few mountain lions, a couple of grizzly bears. Pretty much an ordinary night out." _Unless you would like to go to a strip club, Edward? We could see what all the fuss is about. _He smiled.

"Thanks, Jasper." She said breathily. He dropped back to the ground. "Let's go." Emmett shoved me and we ran.

After glutting myself on wild creatures, a few wrestling matches and winning multiple races, I laid on the ground and looked up to the sky. My brothers followed suit. Jasper's mind wandered to Alice. Emmett was really considering the strip club idea.

But I had to discuss one last thing with them. I had to do it now, last chance.

"What is it like?" I asked, not looking at either. I was embarrassed, but I didn't want to admit it. The one thing they knew that I didn't.

_What? _Emmett asked.

_Curiosity, confusion, fear, and anger? _

"It." I stressed the word hoping they would understand the connotation. Forever stuck as seventeen. I guess my hormones carried over because I wanted it. Despite how dangerous it would be for her I wanted it just as much.

Emmett sat up on his elbow and eyed me. I avoided his gaze.

"Are you afraid of getting married?" He asked.

"But you were so sure, so happy, elated. It was so hard to contain it." Jasper added.

"I'm not afraid of that." I rolled my eyes.

"Then what are you talking about?" Emmett was as impatient as a three year old. I rested on my elbows.

"What is sex like? I need to know, so I can be prepared." Emmett fell on his back laughing. So immature.

_You are asking about sex? _

Jasper was smirking too. "I never thought this would come up."

Once Emmett's roars of laughter subsided they both considered it.

"I guess Bella is different." Emmett said absently.

Jasper understood slightly more. "It is one of the greatest gratifications." _Only one thing is better. _Blood, human blood would be better.

"It consumes your mind." Emmett said. "Like you can't think of anything else." _Like hunting. _

I had once told Bella she couldn't be around when I was hunting, I was too afraid of what would happen when I let myself go like that. If she was around…no, I wouldn't let that happen. And if sex was like hunting…

"That is probably one of the best comparisons." _But you've never hunted around Bella. _I shook my head. _Do you think you might…? _His thoughts trailed off but I understood.

"Once she has a vampire she will never go back." Emmett smirked. "Do you think…?" He stopped his thoughts too. "You wouldn't. You've always had the best control. I mean, you resist her so much already."

"This would be different though. Even you said it was like hunting. If I lost my control…"

"You won't." Jasper reassured. "You love her." _That is what keeps you from biting her. It will keep you in control too. _

"I don't know if that will be enough." I lay back down.

"Eh. You'll be fine." Emmett shrugged. "Want to race again?"

"Come on." Jasper encouraged. _Stop worrying. _I reluctantly got up.

* * *

_This is kind of a test chapter. I want to know exactly what you think, please. Good and bad. What do you like? What can I make better? _

_If you review, I will give you a preview of the next chapter! :) _

_Thanks!_


	2. 3 BIG DAY

3. BIG DAY

As we drove down the driveway to our house I could hear her heartbeat. The only one that mattered. Relief swept through my body. She was safe and sound. And soon, so soon, she would be mine.

"They're back." Rosalie called. The heart sped up and I smiled.

"Keep him out of here!"

"Boys." Esme called. She kept us outside finishing up things. Emmett complained the whole time. I was too elated to care. She would be mine. In a matter of hours, all mine. Jasper was sent to pick up Renee and Phil. He returned quickly.

Renee's voice was trilling with excitement. Phil was happy because Renee was. She immediately ran upstairs to see her daughter. A pang of jealously hit me. I wanted to see Bella.

_Do not listen, Edward Cullen. _Alice warned. She had threatened me multiple times over seeing Bella's dress. No one had been allowed to see it except her. I avoided her thoughts and focused on Charlie's. He was exceptionally nervous. He liked being the center of attention about as much as Bella did.

_He makes her happy. That is all I can ask. He kept her in Forks, with me. Maybe I should say something. _He slowly walked toward me but stopped halfway. _Would he understand though? I need to say something. _He walked again, slightly more determined.

"Hi Charlie." I smiled easily. I hadn't stopped smiling since I got home actually.

"Hi Edward. I just wanted to say thank you, for keeping her here. It means a lot to me."

"You're welcome." He was satisfied and put his hand out, I shook it gratefully. He did not like me any more then he ever would, but he was trying to be kind.

"Better go get Renee." He slowly stalked up the stairs.

"Ready Edward?" Carlisle asked, suddenly at my side. I looked at him and my smile grew.

"Yes."

His thoughts were full of love and pride in me. And love for his new daughter. We walked outside and took our places next to Angela's father.

Rosalie started playing Pachelbel's Canon and I could hear Bella's quick heartbeat. I took a deep breath to prepare myself for her entrance. Her scent was nothing.

The song transitioned to Wagner's march. I could hear Alice and Charlie's thoughts on the other side of the door. Alice came through smiling and dancing down the aisle.

_She's so pretty Edward. It is going to be perfect. _I ignored her thought. I focused my attention on the door, I wanted to see her.

There she was. My breath caught. She was looking for something, me. She found me and the world around me was gone. There was only Bella and I. Her deep, chocolate eyes were glowing. I felt an even wider smile spread on my face.

She was struggling as she walked. She looked like the pace was too slow, like she wanted to run to me. I wanted to run to her. I mentally willed Rosalie to play faster.

Finally she reached me. I held out my hand, closing the gap further. Charlie placed her warm hand in mine and I sighed, finally.

I stared into Bella's eyes the whole time. This was perfection. My world was right. Tears were in her eyes and her voice chocked slightly when she said I do.

I took a deep breath and prepared for my turn. I wanted to say it, to proclaim to the world that she was mine, all mine.

"I do." Forever, I mentally added. Forever she will be mine and I hers.

My hand was already reaching for her face when Mr. Weber proclaimed us husband and wife. I cupped her cheek gently, always gently with my Bella, my wife. I would never deserve her, but if she gave herself to me, I was too selfish to reject her. I loved her too much; it had always been too much.

I leaned closer to her. She stood on her toes and threw her arms around my neck. I kissed her, of course I kissed her. I loved kissing her.

_Gah. _Emmett thought. I ignored it.

_Too cute. You guys are adorable. So perfect. _I ignored Alice too. I didn't want to stop. I couldn't express my joy, elation to Bella any other way, or I didn't want to.

_Edward. _Carlisle cleared his throat. I placed both hands on her cheeks and slowly pulled away.

Applause echoed around us. The room could have erupted into flames, I wouldn't have cared.

I turned Bella toward our audience and reluctantly let her be hugged by everyone else. I never let go of her hand though and she didn't seem to mind.

Mine, she was finally mine. I knew I had to be glowing, because Bella was too. She never looked so beautiful, as my wife.

* * *

_So I don't think you all sent me reviews at like 5 a.m. this morning, so I think FanFiction is slighlty messed up. Anyway, I didn't send any previews because I was planning on putting this out today anyway. :) I hope you all like this as much as the last one. _

_And I will make sure to get previews for all those who review! :) Promise! _


	3. 4 GESTURE

4. GESTURE

The atmosphere calmed and relaxed as we moved outside for the reception. Alice was beside herself with the arrangement. Jasper followed her around trying to calm her, but at this point it was no use.

"Congrats, guys," Seth Clearwater walked up to us. His mother followed closely looking petrified and Billy Black was on his other side, obviously more comfortable then Sue.

_It's just Bella's wedding. Everything will be fine. I wish Jacob would have come. _

Seth reached toward me and I returned the hug with one arm, the other being permanently attached to my Bella.

_Why does he have to be so comfortable with them? _Sue trembled at her son's gesture.

"It's good to see things work out for you, man. I'm happy for you." Seth smiled.

"Thank you, Seth. That means a lot to me." I pulled away and looked at Sue and Bill. "Thank you, as well. For letting Seth come. For supporting Bella."

"You're welcome," Billy responded with slight optimism in his tone, despite him being horribly upset by the fact a vampire married his friend's daughter.

Seth waved goodbye and pushed Billy to the food table.

Angela and Ben were next in line, then Mike and Jessica.

The Denalis were quickly behind them.

Tanya was first in line and hugged me.

"Ah, Edward, I've missed you." _I really have. _

I laughed politely and slipped easily out of the hug.

"It's been too long, Tanya. You look well."

_And you still picked a human. _She thought slightly joking. "So do you."

Bella's heart sped up.

"Let me introduce you to my wife." It rolled out so easily. I felt my smile grow. The Denali's chuckled softly. "Tanya, this is my Bella."

_She is kind of pretty, in a human way. _Tanya then reached her hand out to Bella.

"Welcome to the family, Bella." Tanya sounded apologetic as she thought of our recent predicament. "We consider ourselves Carlisle's extended family, and I _am _sorry about the, er, recent incident when we did not behave as such. We should have met you sooner. Can you forgive us?"

"Of course. It's so nice to meet you." My Bella was wonderful. So kind and generous.

"The Cullens are all evened up in numbers now. Perhaps it will be our turn next, eh, Kate?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Keep the dream alive." _Something like that. _"Welcome Bella." She softly pressed Bella's hand.

"I'm Carmen, this is Eleazar. We're all so very pleased to finally meet you." Carmen gently rested her hand on Kate and Bella's.

"M-me, too," My Bella stuttered. She was amazing, taking this all so calmly.

"We'll get to know each other later." Tanya noticed the people gawking behind her. "We'll have _eons _of time for that!" She laughed and the Denalis moved out of the way.

Alice claimed us quickly for pictures, which took an unnecessarily long amount of time.

Then Bella placed her warm, delicate hand on mine as we cut our cake together. She stared in disbelief as I swallowed my portion of the cake. That was going to come up later. But I smiled and pretended it was easy, for Bella.

She threw her bouquet…as Bella would, into Angela's hands.

_Oh my god. Doesn't that mean I'm the next to get married? Oh! I am not ready for that. _

Oh the thoughts I heard as I removed Bella's garter with my teeth. It was farther down then the usual placement of a garter. I was slightly disappointed, but there would be plenty of time for that, I smirked to myself. I couldn't help but breathe in her scent as I removed the garter. My throat burned at the scent. I swallowed the pool of venom mechanically. I winked at Bella before flinging the material right into Newton's face.

_Ah! That hurt. _He grabbed his eye. _Act cool, Jess is here with you. _I couldn't resist the laugh.

After a few minutes the music started and I carefully took Bella into my arms for our first dance as man and wife. I was continually thrilled by the word. And she looked so happy, so radiantly happy. The mirror image of how I felt.

I spun us around the dance floor easily.

"Enjoying the party, Mrs. Cullen?" My muscles clenched in excitement at getting to use her new name for the first time.

"That will take a while to get used to." She laughed melodically.

"We have a while." I kissed her and more camera flashes went off.

_I am allowed to ask my own daughter to dance. And Renee said this was the father daughter dance anyway._

Charlie tapped on my shoulder as the music changed to something slightly slower. I smiled and placed Bella's hand in his, then got Esme. I twirled her around the floor.

_Edward, you two are so beautiful. _I think she would have cried, just like Renee. I smiled wider.

Bella danced with many other men. Mike Newton though, he bothered me too much. I stood stiffly off to the side of the dance floor as he attempted to dance with my wife.

_Bella is just so pretty today. The dress hugs her so…_

I cut in before his thoughts could continue.

"Still not that fond of Mike, eh?" Bella smiled.

"Not when I have to listen to his thoughts. He's lucky I didn't kick him out. Or worse."

"Yeah, right." She rolled her eyes. She softened me up way too much. I wasn't menacing enough.

"Have you had a chance to look at yourself?"

"Um. No, I guess not. Why?"

"Then I suppose you don't realize how utterly, heartbreakingly beautiful you are tonight. I'm not surprised Mike's having difficulty with improper thoughts about a married woman." Why had Alice not let her see a mirror? She was exquisite. "I _am _disappointed that Alice didn't make sure you were forced to look in a mirror."

She shook her head slightly. "You are very biased, you know."

I sighed, then noticed the house windows and turned her toward them.

"Biased, am I?" She looked stunning. Everyone thought so. She gazed at us, the beauty next to the monster.

_Hey, you should be able to hear me from here. _

"Oh." I said.

_This sounds so stupid. I would like to see her. _I knitted my eyebrows. _I just want to say congrats, I won't do anything crazy. Really. I just haven't seen her in so long. Oh and I guess thanks for the invite. _

Couldn't blame him for missing her. I smiled again.

"What is it?" Bella asked.

"A surprise wedding gift." At least one for her.

"Huh?" She raised her cute lip. I led our dancing forms toward the wooded area Jacob was in.

"Thank you. This is very…kind of you."

"Kind is my middle name." Jacob answered and Bella's heart sped up dramatically. "Can I cut in?" _Or are you not going to let her have any fun? _He smirked slightly.

"Jacob!" Bella croaked. Her eyes widened. "Jacob!"

"Hey there, Bells." She began moving to him, I held on to her elbow to keep her from falling. He grabbed on to her and pulled her against him more forcefully then I cared for. I tried to ignore his thoughts.

"Rosalie won't forgive me if she doesn't get her official turn on the dance floor." I said softly and walked away. Bella was mine and I hers. I took a deep breath and went to find my sister.

"Oh Jacob." I heard Bella cry as I walked away. I cringed slightly at it. No, she is my wife, not his. She loves me more. I took another deep breath and tried to ignore their conversation and his thoughts.

"Would you like to dance?" I held out my hand for Rosalie.

_Finally. _She smiled and took my hand. As we revolved around the dance floor I listened to snippets of Bella and Jacob's conversation whenever we passed them.

"Are you happy, Bella?" _Just say the word and I will take you away. I will kill him if you aren't happy. _

"Yes."

"Okay. That's the main thing, I guess."

I made another slow circle around the dance floor with Rosalie. I really didn't want to hear his thoughts, just Bella's voice.

_I hope its never. Why does he have to change her? She is perfect the way she is. Doesn't he see that? _If only he understood the struggle Bella and I had had over her humanity. It was the one thing Jacob and I could have agreed on.

"It's not tonight, Jacob." She answered his unspoken question.

"Oh."

"Are you listening to them?" Rosalie asked. I nodded and she rolled her eyes. _Not nice to eavesdrop. _

"Curiosity." I offered.

"Jealousy, obsession…" She added.

"Bella! Have you lost your mind? You can't be that stupid! Tell me you're joking!" Why was he yelling? I looked through his mind and saw his grip on Bella. I stopped dancing, walked Rosalie to her chair. Then in a matter of seconds I looked at both Jasper and Emmett knowingly, then Bella screamed and I was by her side.

"Take your hands off her!" I demanded sharply. His anger turned toward me.

_How could you? You are going to kill her! _

Two snarls came from behind Jacob. Seth was there too.

"Jake, bro, back away. You're losing it." _He is shaking like crazy. _"You'll hurt her. Let her go." Seth became more forceful.

"Now!" I growled. His hands dropped and I grabbed Bell pulling her farther away from him. I stood in front of her protectively. Seth began pulling on Jacob.

"C'mon, Jake. Let's go."

_You'll kill her! _"I'll kill you." Jacob choked out furiously. "I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now!" He was shaking trying to keep his form. _I hate you so much. How could you risk her like that? _His shaking increased.

"Seth, get out of the way." I demanded in a whisper.

_He'll be okay. _Seth tugged and pulled Jacob a few feet farther.

"Don't do it, Jake. Walk away. C'mon." He pulled again. Sam pressed his head against Jacob's chest.

_I hate you so much. I can't believe you. I will kill you if you harm her. _Jacob yelled at me in his thoughts. Seth tugged more and Sam pushed harder and they got Jacob farther away.

Quil, the other wolf, stared after them.

"I'm sorry." Bella whispered to him. She was far too worried about others.

"It's all right now, Bella," I whispered and reached a hand to hers.

_Is he calmer now? _Quil asked.

I gave a stiff nod and he left.

"All right. Let's get back." But Bella still looked worried.

"But Jake—"

"Sam has him in hand. He's gone."

"Edward, I'm so sorry. I was stupid—"

"You did nothing wrong—" But she interrupted me.

"I have such a big mouth! Why would I…I shouldn't' have let him get to me like that. What was Ithinking?"

"Don't worry." I softly stroked her cheek. "We need to get back to the reception before someone notices our absence." Her eyes widened slightly and she shook her head.

"Give me two seconds." She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself.

"My dress?" She asked.

"You look fine." I smiled. She looked exquisite really. "Not a hair out of place."

A few more deep breaths. "Okay. Let's go."

I led her back to the dance floor and easily blended us back in with the rest of the dancers.

_Are they gone? _Emmett asked. I nodded quickly. He and Jasper visibly relaxed.

"Are you—"

"I'm fine." She answered softly. "I can't believe I did that. What's wrong with me?" She looked at our shoes. Her, nothing was wrong with her. She was perfect. It was me, the monster, who was wrong.

"Nothing is wrong with _you._"

"Its over. Let's not think of it again tonight." I couldn't stop thinking of it though. Jacob was completely right. "Edward?" I leaned my forehead against hers.

"Jacob is right. What _am _I thinking?" I whispered to her.

"He is not." She answered in a strained voice.

"I _should _let him kill me for even thinking…" I murmured quietly, almost hoping she wouldn't hear.

"Stop it." She grabbed my face and I opened my eyes. "You and me." She said harshly. "That's the only thing that matters." Her voice softened. "The only thing you're allowed to think about now. Do you hear me?" I could only obey her.

"Yes."

"Forget Jacob came. For me." She pleaded. "Promise that you'll let this go."

I looked into her chocolate eyes. Anything for her. That was why I was in this situation.

"I promise."

"Thank you." She said with a smile. "Edward, I'm not afraid." She was so confident. But what if, that always bothered me. I couldn't lose her.

"I am." I was terrified.

"Don't be." She smiled widely. "By the way, I love you." Her hands rested on my shoulders again.

"That's why we're here."

"You're monopolizing the bride. Let me dance with my little sister." Emmett came up smiling. "This could be my last chance to make her blush." He chuckled at the inside joke.

After Emmett, Bella danced with a few others. Jacob was right, no matter what Bella said. How did I let her talk me into this? But I wasn't thinking about it, not tonight, for her. All for her. Everything was for my Bella, my wife.

I finally pulled her back into my arms for dancing. She calmed at my touch and rested her head on my chest. I let her scent envelope me again and absorbed even more of her warmth.

"I could get used to this." She said gently.

"Don't tell me you've gotten over your dancing issues?" I smiled.

"Dancing isn't so bad—with you." She amended. "But I was thinking more of this," She squeezed onto me tighter. "Of never having to let you go." I looked down into her eyes.

"Never." I said and leaned to kiss her. It hadn't lasted long enough before my lovely sister called for Bella.

"It's time!" She chirped. _Come on Edward. You'll get plenty of time with her. _I continued kissing Bella. "Do you want to miss your plane?" Alice imagined us sitting in an airport. "I'm sure you'll have a lovely honeymoon camped out in the airport waiting for another flight."

I turned ever so slightly from Bella's warm lips and said, "Go away, Alice." I touched my lips to Bella's again.

"Bella, do you want to wear that dress on the airplane?" Did she really think that mattered to Bella? She seemed not to hear my sister. A low rumble came from Alice's chest. "I'll tell her where you're taking her, Edward. So help me, I will." And she had a vision of telling Bella about the island I was taking her too.

I reluctantly pulled my face from Bella's and narrowed my eyes at Alice.

"You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating."

_I win. _"I didn't pick out the perfect going-away dress to have it wasted." She answered quickly. "Come with me, Bella." She took Bella's arm and pulled gently. But Bella resisted and stood on her toes. I smiled and acquiesced, kissing my wife once more.

Bella finally gave in and let Alice pull her into the house. I watched her angelic form walk into the house.

I really didn't deserve such perfection. She was so good and pure.

I waited at the bottom of the staircase for her to come down. She absently placed her delicate hand in mine and looked around the room.

"Dad?" She asked.

"Over here." I led her slowly to him so he had time to calm down.

_That's enough. Every daughter gets married. I'm fine. _He took a deep breath.

"Oh, Dad!" Bella rushed to him and wrapped herself around him. She started crying again and that helped Charlie control himself more.

"There, now. You don't want to miss your plane."

"I love you forever, Dad. Don't forget that." She looked up lovingly at him.

"You, too, Bells. Always have, always will." _It feels like she is leaving forever. _They kissed each other's cheeks. "Call me." _Please call me. Don't leave me. _He begged in his mind. I'd make sure she called him.

"Soon." She responded softly.

"Go on, then, don't want to be late." Tears were coming back to him. She came back to me and I tucked her into my side.

"Are you ready?" My smile was back in place.

"I am." And so was hers.

I kissed her on the doorstep and ran through the parted crowd to my car. I felt some rice hit me extra hard.

_Score!_ Emmett. I shook my head slightly and would remember for his next wedding. I helped her into the car then ran at a human speed to my side. I took her hand gingerly in mine and tightened my grip ever so slightly.

"I love you." I looked at her angelic, perfect face. She laid her head on my arm and more heat seeped into my skin.

"That's why we're here." I kissed her hair and breathed in her scent. Never would I be parted from that scent. I let the burn strengthen as I swallowed more venom. This was common practice now.

I turned onto the highway and sped up. I couldn't wait to get Bella to our destination.

I could hear the faint beginnings of a howl. I pressed on the gas more. Bella's heart sped ever so slightly and I knew she heard it too. Neither of us said anything as it faded into the background.

* * *

_Do you all really like the previews? I mean, most of you have already read the story. :) I was trying to give you more of what Edward was thinking, but I'm not sure how well I did that. So, do you like them or not? Please let me know. _

_Thanks for your patience. It took me some time to write this, I wanted it to be perfect. I'm not sure if I'm completely satisfied with it or not. But I wanted to get it out to you. :) _

_Enjoy!! _


	4. To tide you over

To tide you over until I can create the best chapter

To tide you over until I can create the best chapter. 

/play.swf?fileV08JHIiMZfBltp&rurl/news/NECl0EGH8AgSFK


	5. 5 ISLE ESME Part I

5. ISLE ESME

"Houston?" Bella asked with raised eyebrows.

"Just a stop along the way," I answered and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. I knew how much she despised surprises, but I just couldn't resist.

"Rio de Janeiro?" She asked again at our next stop. She sounded slightly more nervous.

"Another stop." I answered again. After that flight, which she luckily slept through most of, we got into a taxi. Bella didn't understand Portuguese, so I didn't have to hide the destination: a boat dock along the ocean.

Her heart beat picked up in the car. I looked at her face trying to figure out what would have caused it. It had to be her thoughts. Oh how many times I wished to hear this woman's thoughts.

I glanced around outside for a hint. Rio de Janeiro was pretty, but it was not a breathtaking sight, and it was too dark to see much of anything else.

Could she be thinking of me? My presence always seemed to make her heart do funny things. Or was she thinking of later tonight? I felt my breathing hitch slightly. I was nervous about it. But was Bella? No, she couldn't be. She was the one that wanted this. I was satisfied with waiting, but her human hormones made her believe she was going to explode if she didn't.

When we finally arrived at the docks Bella was even more shocked. We were on the boat for just about half an hour when I thought the island was close enough for her to see.

"Bella, look there." Her eyes squinted together as she tried to see it. Well, maybe we weren't close enough. Less then a mile away she saw it.

"Where are we?"

"This is Isle Esme."

"Isle _Esme_?"

"A gift from Carlisle—Esme offered to let us borrow it." Her eyes widened slightly. She wasn't used to such gifts. If only she would let me spoil her more often.

I didn't let her feet touch the dock as I pulled her out of the boat and directly into my arms. Her warmth was intoxicating. I absorbed every bit of it.

"Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?" She asked softly.

"I'm nothing if not thorough." I quickly kissed her cheek.

I gave her a quick tour of the house and ended in the main bedroom. It was open with a large, white bed in the middle.

If I had a heart it would have been pounding just like Bella's. Only Bella ever made me nervous. Only around her did I not know what to do. And she said I dazzled her. Ha.

"I'll…" What? What are you going to do Edward? Why did you say anything? "Go get the luggage." I let out a breath as I ran down the stairs.

Just remember the plan. And stick to it. Keep her comfortable. Everything will be…fine. I shook my head. Seriously, what was I thinking? I took the luggage back upstairs. Bella was standing in the same place. There was a small bead of sweat forming on the back of her neck. I hoped the heat would make my cold body feel more comforting.

"It's a little hot here. I thought…that would be best."

"Thorough." She sounded so calm. I laughed slightly, but it sounded nervous. Bella, the things you do to me.

"I tried to think of everything that would make this…easier." Why was it so hard to find the right words tonight?

She swallowed; maybe she was just as nervous.

The plan.

"I was wondering if…first…maybe you'd like to take a midnight swim with me?" Don't be nervous, or at least don't let her know you are nervous. I took a few breaths to calm myself. "The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of."

"Sounds nice." Her voice was shaky too. I needed a minute to myself to calm down.

"I'm sure you'd like a human minute or two…It was a long journey." She nodded. I took another breath. Now that I had a few minutes to calm myself things didn't seem so bad. I took one more deep breath and let her scent burn my throat.

It was not going to be so bad. Everything would be fine. Then I got an idea.

I kissed her throat softly. "Don't take _too _long, Mrs. Cullen." Her heart stuttered and I chuckled lightly. I moved my lips down her shoulder. "I'll wait for you in the water."

I walked out the doors and let my shirt drop to the floor. Her heart raced. I laughed again to myself.

I paid attention to her heart as I walked onto the beach. It slowed after a while, but was still no where near normal. It would have to be good enough though.

Now I had to collect myself. I stood near a tree and looked at the perfectly round moon. It had a sort of beauty about it. I watched for a few more minutes and was calm again.

I said I would wait in the water. Should I go grab a bathing suit? That didn't seem quite right for this occasion though. Hmm. I slowly started removing the rest of my clothing. What if Bella came out in her swimsuit though?

Okay, she is my wife. I can be without clothing in front of my wife. And if she realizes I am without, she will have that lovely blush. I smiled at the thought of Bella's blush. Would it be present on the rest of her body?

The rest of her body. My mind lingered on the thought. Her creamy, soft, warm skin against mine would just be divine.

My clothing was gone and I walked into the warm water. It was nice, but not as amazing as Bella's skin against mine. The thought alone made me shiver. Excitement coursed through my body. Her warm skin against mine…the thought alone was so…arousing.

I heard her walking softly on the sand. A soft thud sounded. She must have dropped an article of clothing. I took a deep breath trying to prepare myself for this. I could handler her scent, that was the easy part though.

She waded easily through the water and came to my side. I kept looking at the moon. I need to keep control when I finally looked at her. I had no idea what she would be wearing or if she would be lacking as many clothes as I was.

Her warm hand rested on mine.

"Beautiful." She murmured looking at the moon.

"It's all right." I responded. Then I turned and looked at her form. All her soft curves exposed to me. I entwined our fingers together. "But I wouldn't use the word _beautiful_. Not with you standing here in comparison."

She placed her other hand on my chest. More warmth. I continued looking at her exquisite body and I shuddered slightly. It was more beautiful then I had imagined.

Try, I said try. It doesn't mean we have to go through with it. My breaths struggled more.

"I promised we would _try_. If…" My body tensed. "If I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once." She held my gaze and nodded. Then she stepped closer, pressing her nude body against mine and resting her head on my chest. So much heat and she smelt so wonderful. Her skin was so nice against mine. All the warmth was astounding. I took a breath and let her scent assault my senses again. Complete control, I swallowed the venom again.

"Don't be afraid. We belong together." She whispered. But there were so many reasons why we didn't.

I wrapped my arms around her soft body. I loved her too much though. I couldn't get enough of her. I needed her. I would never live without her.

"Forever." I kissed the top of her head. I took one more breath and pulled her farther into the water.

* * *

_I'm sorry this took me so long. I just wanted it to be really, really good. I hope you all liked it. :) And I'll have the second part up soon. It is almost done._


	6. 5 ISLE ESME Part II

5. ISLE ESME

Part II

What the hell was I thinking? I did this to her. How could I do this to her? My Bella. My sweet, soft, caring Bella. And I had hurt her, so much.

I looked up. I couldn't stand seeing the marks anymore. The marks she bore because of me, because of my selfishness. She slept easily that night and for a while, giving me plenty of time to thinking about my actions.

Why had I let her convince me of this? It was not a good idea. It was a horrid idea. I nearly lost control. I was so close to her throat. Her delicate skin was no barrier to my teeth.

That wasn't the worst part of it though. There were so many dark spots on her creamy skin. And I had put them there.

My whole body was tense, except my arm that I let lay loosely across her back.

Her heart sped slightly. She was awake.

I let my hand drag down her spine, barely touching her. How dare I even touch her?

She smiled and a slight laugh came from her lips.

"What's funny?" I couldn't look at her though. My voice sounded colder than it should have.

Then her stomach gurgled and she laughed again.

"You just can't escape being human for long." She laughed her at her own joke. But human, that is what she was. And I shouldn't have done what I did because she was human. I had been too selfish.

"Edward. What is it? What's wrong?" She asked.

"You have to ask?" Too hard. I need to lighten up. But did she not feel any pain? She was probably ignoring it, for me. Why was she so kind? She shouldn't be. I didn't deserve it.

She didn't say anything. How I have wished for years to hear this woman's mind.

"What are you thinking?" I whispered trying to soften my voice.

"You're upset." She sounded upset now too. "I don't understand. Did I…?"

"How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth—don't try to downplay it." I demanded, but softly.

"Hurt?" She asked in surprise. Then she wiggled around some. "Why would you jump to that conclusion. I've never been better than I am now." She sounded a little irked.

"Stop that." I closed my eyes. She was always trying to cover for me. Always making excuses for me.

"Stop _what_?"

"Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this."

"Edward! Don't ever say that."

"Look at yourself, Bella." I can't. "Then tell me I'm not a monster." I heard her gasp. She must have looked.

"Why am I covered in feathers?" Feathers. Of course she notices that first. I let out a low breath.

"I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what I'm talking about." I pressed.

"You…bit a pillow? _Why_?"

"Look, Bella!" I growled and looked at her. I delicately pulled her arm out. "Look at _that._" I closed my eyes to regain my control. I wanted to fall apart. How had I let that happen to her?

She poked at her arm. I softly wrapped my fingers around her arms. A perfect match to the purple bruises.

"Oh." That's all she said. I felt sick.

"I'm…so sorry, Bella." I whispered. "I knew better than this. I should not have--" I wanted to vomit at the sight. "I am more sorry than I can tell you."

I laid back and put my arm over my eyes. I couldn't look at her anymore. I didn't deserve to. I didn't deserve her. I never did.

Her warm hand lightly touched my arm, but I couldn't move. I didn't want to hurt her ever again.

"Edward." Her soft voice asked. "Edward?" But I couldn't. I had hurt her. She should be so upset with me. She never was though. Bella was far too good for me. "_I'm _not sorry, Edward. I'm…I can't even tell you. I'm _so_ happy. That doesn't cover it. Don't be angry." Her voice softened. "Don't. I'm really f—"

"Do not say the word _fine._ If you value my sanity, do not say that you are fine." I demanded. She was not fine. She had bruises all over her body and I had put them there. She was not fine.

"But I _am_." She said.

"Bella." It was supposed to be a warning, but it came out as moan. "Don't."

"No. _You _don't, Edward." She was angry? I moved my arm from my face. Why was she angry now?

"Don't ruin this. I. Am. Happy."

"I've already ruined this."

"Cut it out." Her eyes burned with anger. "Ugh! Why can't you just read my mind already? It's so _inconvenient _to be a mental mute!" She said exasperatedly. I thought she liked me not being able to hear her, despite how insane it made me. And now its inconvenient?

"That's a new one. You love that I can't read you mind."

"Not today." She responded quickly. She wanted me to? I wanted to, she knew how much I wanted to.

"Why?" She threw her hands in the hair and let them land on my chest warming more of my skin.

"Because all this angst would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. I _was_ perfectly happy. Tottally and completely blessed out. Now—well, I'm sort of pissed, actually."

Good. "You _should _be angry at me."

"Well, I am. Does that make you feel better?" Her eyes bored into mine. I never want her angry at me. I took a deep breath.

"No. I don't think anything could make me fell better now." Not now that I had hurt her.

"_That._ That right there is why I'm angry. You are _killing my buzz_, Edward." She responded sharply. Did she not understand? I rolled my eyes. She never did.

She took a deep breath and when she spoke again she was calmer.

"We knew this was going to be tricky." Where was she going with this? "I thought that was assumed. And then—well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is really nothing." She ran her fingers along her arm. Nothing? Did she not see how many bruises were on her body? "I think for a first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice—"

"Assumed? Did you _expect_ this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you?" How could she think I would ever hurt her? It hurt me just as much. "Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones—that equals a victory?" I took a deep breath. I had been to harsh with her.

"I didn't know what to expect—but I definitely did not expect how…how…just wonderful and perfect it was. I mean, I don't know how it was for you, but it was like that for me." Her face had dropped during her speech. Silly girl. She always worries about the wrong things. I lifted her chin so, so gently with my finger. Only a finger could touch her.

"Is that what you're worried about? That I didn't _enjoy _myself?" Of course I enjoyed myself, Bella. That is why you are hurt, I enjoyed myself a little too much.

Her eyes didn't look at me.

"I know its not the same. You're not human. I just was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can't imagine that life gets any better than that."

I had great satisfaction from her statement, she had enjoyed herself as well. I squashed my feelings. Nothing was worth hurting my Bella. And now she thought I hadn't enjoyed myself. She finally looked at me.

"It seems that I have more to apologize for. I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't…well, the best night of my existence. But I don't want to think of it that way, not when you were…"

"Really?" A small smile formed on her face. "The best ever?" I gently placed my hands on the side of her heart-shaped face.

"I spoke to Carlisle after you and I made our bargain, hoping he could help me. Of course he warned me that this would be very dangerous for you. He had faith in me, though—faith I didn't deserve."

She wanted to protest but I silenced her with my fingers on her warm lips. A slight shiver went through my body from the heat. "I also asked him what _I _should expect. I didn't know what it would be for me…" I smirked at my next statement. "What with my being a vampire. Carlisle told me it was a very powerful thing, like nothing else. He told me physical love was something I should not treat lightly. With our rarely changing temperaments, strong emotions can alter us in permanent ways. But he said I did not need to worry about that part—you had already altered me so completely." She had changed so much about me. Everything. My family had noticed right away the changes she made in me. I had to smile at this statement.

"I spoke to my brothers, too. They told me it was a very great pleasure. Second only to drinking human blood. But I've tasted your blood, and there could be no blood more potent that _that_…" No, no blood was more satisfying the taste I had had for a few seconds. "I don't think they were wrong, really. Just that it was different for us. Something more." I looked away.

"It _was _more. It was everything." Her voice was soft, compelling, soothing.

"That doesn't change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way."

"What does _that _mean?" She asked sharply. "Do you think I'm making this up? Why?" She demanded.

"To ease my guilt. I can't ignore the evidence, Bella. Or your history of trying to let me off the hook when I make mistakes." She was too good, she was always trying to make me feel better. Then she grabbed my chin.

"You listen to me, Edward Cullen." The way she said my name, even when angry, was an amazing sensation. "I am not pretending anything for your sake, okay? I didn't even know there was a reason to make you feel better until you started being all miserable. _I've _never been so happy in all my life—I wasn't this happy when you decided that you loved me more than you wanted to kill me, or the first morning I woke up and you were waiting for me…" She seemed to pause before her next sentence, as if contemplating if it was the right thing to say. "Not when I heard your voice in the ballet studio." I cringed at the memory. "Or when you said 'I do' and I realized that, somehow, I get to keep you forever. Those are the happiest memories I have, and this is better than any of it. So just deal with it." Her voice was sharp again.

Her forehead had creased through her little speech. I softly pressed my finger against it trying to smooth it out. I never wanted to upset her.

"I'm making you unhappy now. I don't want to do that."

"Then don't _you_ be unhappy. That's the only thing that's wrong here." She responded quickly.

But there was so much wrong. Everything about Bella and I was wrong really. She was the best thing in the world and I was just too selfish to share her with the rest of the world.

"You're right. The past is past and I can't do anything to change it." No matter how much I want to. "There's no sense in letting my mood sour this time for you. I'll do whatever I can to make you happy now." My sole purpose was to make Bella happy.

"Whatever makes me happy?" I heard the tone in her voice, but her stomach gurgled at the same time overriding where I believe her thoughts were going.

"You're hungry." I got out of the bed quickly.

"So, why exactly did you decide to ruin Esme's pillows?" Bella asked moving more around.

"I don't know if I _decided_ to do anything last night. We're just lucky it was the pillows and not you." I responded without looking at her. I remembered the exact moment my teeth and sunk into…the pillows and not her neck. She hadn't noticed how closely my teeth had been to her veins, how much pressure there had been on her delicate skin. I shook my head removing the memory.

When I opened my eyes, Bella was off the bed. I took in a deep breath and turned around. It was an even better view of the pain I inflicted on her.

"Do I look that hideous?" She forced a light tone through her voice.

Yes, Bella, I wanted to say, your husband did that to you. I heard her walk, to the bathroom I guessed. Then she groaned.

"Bella?" I asked. Maybe now she would be upset, now that she had seen the damage I did to her body.

"I'll _never _get this all out of my hair!" She started plucking feathers from her hair.

"You _would _be worried about your hair," I muttered. I shook my head slightly but walked to her and started pulling the feathers out quicker.

"How did you keep from laughing at this?" She asked exasperatedly. She really didn't understand the situation, but she never did. Maybe I should go back to the mental institution idea. "I look ridiculous." She sighed. "This isn't going to work, it's all dried in. I'm going to have to wash it out." She turned around and embraced me warmly. "Do you want to help me?" She was such a seductress, but all it took was one look at the handprints on her arms to know the answer.

"I'd better find some food for you." I pulled her arms gently from around me, missing the warmth already. But I didn't deserve that warmth. I ran downstairs and her heart thudded irregularly.

I knew every meal Bella ever ate but I didn't know what to make her now. I turned on the television to a food show. Something yellow, with green, orange and brown inside. Disgusting. I almost gagged. But an omelet would be very healthy and nutritious for Bella. I watched a little longer trying to figure out how to make it. I never really cooked when I was human.

Then I went to the kitchen and pulled out proper ingredients remembering what Bella liked and what she didn't. I made an omelet but it looked nearly black, too long on the burner. The second one fell to pieces when I pulled it out the pan and the third one was looking pretty good when Bella was walking down the stairs.

I heard her stomach growl as I slid the omelet onto a plate.

"Here." I smiled and set the plate on the table. She sat down quickly and ate faster then I'd ever seen. "I'm not feeding you often enough."

"I was asleep. This is really good, by the way. Impressive for someone who doesn't eat." She smiled and it made me feel better. At least now that she was clothed I couldn't see as many marks. But the ones on her arms were still present in her little tank top.

"Food Network." I smiled again and she reciprocated. If I focused on her smile I could almost ignore the rest of her body. Almost.

"Where did the eggs come from?"

"I asked the cleaning crew to stock the kitchen. A first, for this place. I'll have to ask them to deal with the feathers…" How would I tell the female? She already suspected enough, she practically knew we were vampires.

"Thank you." Bella brought me back from my thoughts. She leaned slowly across the table and gently placed her lips on mine. I wanted to pull away. I didn't deserve this. I shouldn't be allowed such softness on me. But I couldn't hurt her anymore than I already had.

I pulled away and her jaw clenched.

"You aren't going to touch me again while we're here, are you?" It did not come out as a question.

Did she think I didn't want to? Of course I did. But I couldn't. I had hurt her. And it hurt me even more. But I could touch her. I reached toward her face and gently brushed my fingers on her cheek. Her eyes closed slowly and she leaned her cheek into my hand.

"You know that's not what I meant." Her voice was softer. I let my hand fall to the table.

"I know. And you're right. I will not make love with you until you've been changed. I will never hurt you again." I vowed. Her face sunk, even though she knew my answer before it even came out.

She looked down at the plate and pushed a few remnants around with her fork. I had hurt her again.

* * *

_Thank you all so much for your patience! I hope this was worth it. :) I enjoyed it. It might be about another week until the next one. But if you guys like I can post at least partial chapters like this one so you don't have to wait as long. Let me know. :) _

_I hope you all have seen the new Twilight trailer and that you all know they are working on making New Moon into a movie too!! :) Excitement! _


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